goals?

30 Aug, 2026

around the back half of the year (usually october) I get thinking about my goals and what I want to focus on until january. and I kinda realized I don't really have a long-term aspiration at the moment?
I have a couple of short term things that I want to happen, but nothing that I'm working toward long-term (which if you know me, i find great discomfort with not having something to work towards long-term).
surprisingly, it doesn't bother me this time around. I think because I have so much change upcoming that it doesn't feel like I need to be working towards something long-term (school, possible house buying in my family, health appointments, working on chapter 1 of tsp). I could theoretically say my long-term goal is getting a full time job, but I can't really do that without going back to school, which is somewhat short term. I can't say I primary goal is to become an archivist or librarian, because I don't know what opportunities lie after I graduate my bachelor's in 2 years, if I even get to the point for my masters (this is the plan, but I'm open to an opportunity interrupting it!).

as an aside, I really hope once classes start I'm not thinking 'too far ahead' into the future. I've had anticipation anxiety about school for the past few months, and even stronger in the last few weeks, and I just want to be in the moment rather than thinking about 'the next thing', like the end of the semester. part of the reason I get stressed out over things is because I'm looking at the finish line from the starting line. not a bad thing to do when trying to keep on task for your goals, but terrible if you're looking ahead and not focusing on where you're walking.
the whole point of living is being in the moment! I'm trying very hard to remind myself of that, because I truly regret missing out on being present in favor of chasing my goals.

my ultimate goal was for stable housing and a job with benefits. I guess this is... still the long-term goal? but it feels more like a goal for survival than anything. plus... the landlord has given my mother the opportunity to buy the house we live in, after living in it for over a decade. and she's most likely going to take it. so I'll get to permanently live in my childhood home... what's more stable than that? 🤣

so, what are my short term goals for the end of the year?

finish tsp chapter 1
focus on school
clean up around the house
get treatment for anemia
start driving more

and honestly? compared to my goals from last year, these seem pretty doable :)
art's taking a bit of a back seat, but I don't mind, I make art for me! and I've been pretty content with doodling in my sketchbook as of late.

#life #thoughts